"Well, let me be the first to say congratulations to you, man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, man."

"True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend."

"Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?"