"You'd better be prepared for the for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water."
"I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"He hadn't asked to be here. If he was asked at this moment where he would like to be he would probably have said he would like to be lying on the beach with at least fifty beautiful women and a small team of experts working out new ways they could be nice to him."
"This must be Thursday," said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
" ...Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexeplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."
"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.